“How did you get the name ‘Durga’?”~Querent.
“Durga was the name I adopted when I joined the military.
For much of my life before I went into the military, I had felt as though my role in life was very clearly defined.
I was raised as the daughter of a princess (my adopted mother is Ea’s sister, Ninmah/Ninharsag). My expectations were to excel in my education, obey my family and to marry who my mother had pre-determined I should marry–her brother, Ea, or Lord Shiv–and not complain about it. I love my family and never wanted to disappoint them, but I I did want to pursue some of my own interests in life.
During my pursuit of one of my serious interests–running my own furniture and interior design business–my shop was broken into while I was working on a furniture order. I was raped and beaten by four men. One of my managers walked in and saw them. The men ran and I was left bloodied, traumatized and humiliated.
My dreams of having a career and life of my own vanished and I was forced to return to my mother’s home, where I was immediately married to Shiv and I moved to his home. Though it did not feel like it at the time, my mother said this was for my own protection. Ea agreed.
Unlike the celebrated wedding of Shiv and Parvati that one hears about today, my wedding to him was not what I wanted at all. He was my uncle and he was what I felt to be (at that time) a ‘dirty hippie.’ (Please know that I like hippies and gypsies and that description is not meant in offense to them, but at that time I was a different girl. I was, in essence, a princess and he, most definitely, was NOT a prince. Little did I know he actually WAS a prince.)
He taught Tantra to young priestesses in a rural temple in India. He had a larger estate with a comfortable, functional home in which he housed the children born from his teaching practice. He wore dread locks down to his waist, an orange short shift-loin cloth and (when he wasn’t ‘teaching’) he covered himself in this awful blue paste sunscreen. To keep the kids out of it, he told us it was made of grave ashes to freak us out. (I say ‘us’ because I felt like one of his children rather than his wife. )He would then go spend hours meditating and practicing yoga by himself.
I helped his Head House-and-Child-Keeper with the chores, food preparations and child care. I knew nothing about any of these things,so I felt lost and depressed. Shiv and I did not like each other. I can honestly say I thought he was an asshole to me. Why my mother had betrothed me to him in my infancy, I could not understand. I thought it was a punishment.
Shiv had a teen-aged son at the time who hated me and was a bully to me. I would try to talk to Shiv about it,but he ignored me. It was like I was just another of his kids who he ate dinner with at night.
My step-son’s bullying was what pushed me over the edge. I had a long, luxurious braid of which I was so proud. My mother’s hairdresser would occasionally fix it in these elaborate hairstyles, so I made sure I took excellent care of my hair. It was the only princess-ey thing I had left. One afternoon, my step-son came up behind me and cut my braid off to my shoulders with a knife. I turned around and looked up to him (he was taller than me) and he held it up to my face, glaring at me as if to say, ‘What are you going to do about it?’ He knew that nothing would be done and he would get away with it and I knew it, too. I grabbed my braid from his hand and stormed out to find Shiv to beg for help. I found him actively engaged in a ‘teaching’ session. When he saw me, he was furious and told me to go away. I did.
I left, crying.
I went to my room, packed a bag and snuck off the estate. I ran through the forest all the way to the nearest town where I heard there was a military recruiter present. I signed up on the spot and was immediately shipped off to training. I think I was on my way to training before anyone knew I was gone.”
Ea:”When you didn’t show up for dinner, we knew something was wrong. I found your braid on my bed and the story came out when I questioned my children. I was furious with my son for disrespecting my wife and the women in my household in that fashion. He was disciplined. We contacted your mother to let her know you were coming to her house. When you never showed up, we began to ask questions in the village and found out that you had enlisted in the military. We were shocked. That was the LAST thing we would have thought you would do. You enlisted under the name Durga.You were already enlisted, so there was nothing we could do, given the laws at the time.”
Lina: “Durga had been a sort of governess to me when I was young. She was pretty but strong and no one disobeyed her. I wanted to be like that. So, I chose that name hoping the strength would rub off on me.
I saw myself becoming weak, tired and invisible and I didn’t like it. I didn’t like the way Ea or his son treated me. I didn’t like the way men had treated me as a woman. I joined the military to learn to fight for myself so I wouldn’t be caught off guard again unable to defend myself. It worked. I learned more during my time in the military about offense and defense than I’ve learned anywhere else. I learned that I could be respected by men as a peer. Women in the military were taught to use their small size as a weapon and the men I worked with knew that were not taught to injure, but to kill. They knew we would do it, too, so they left us alone.
For many years, I was known as ‘the Mouse’ in my Unit. I operated the guns in the small space above the pilot (I think they call this the cockpit now) in a Fighting Mu.
These Mu are made for flying one or two Nibiruan men and they are about 7-8 feet tall, so these Gun seats were too tight for them to fit comfortably. Human women could easily fit in these seats and we could shoot to kill as well as anyone. Our small hands could easily repair any electrical/technical issues, too. I flew with the same pilot for years and he always called me ‘Mouse.’ It was with him that I flew a Mu (he named it after a Lion) by myself during a mission. He was injured and I had to take over the controls. We accomplished what we set out to do and laughed the whole way back. I have fond memories of my time with him.
I learned how to advocate for myself during this time and I also learned to love deeply–my first love was a woman who I was with for much of my time in the military. I credit her for teaching me how to give and receive love and to be compassionate with your partner’s shortcomings. That opened the door for my later relationship with Ea.
I learned that empathy at the wrong time kills, so I learned how to shut it off. (This is something I find difficult now.) This lack of empathy led to a disastrous military mission where Kali-Ka showed her face. It was Kali and this horrendous bloodbath mission that led to my dishonorable medical retirement–the end of my military career.
(It also led to years of PTSD problems and treatments.)
My identity was discovered while in the hospital and Shiv was summoned to retrieve his traumatized wife and bring her home. And thus ends the tale of Durga. I know many will probably shocked and disappointed, but that’s the real story.”
Ea: “How do you look back on that part of your life? With fondness or negativity?”
Lina: “Mostly positive memories. The end was more of a horrible fluke. Had that last mission not happened, I would have honorably retired.”
Ea:”Would you briefly describe what happened, so people will know what you’re talking about?”
Lina: “My group was composed a special-forces-type unit of women and we were tasked with assassinating someone. Or that’s what we thought. We were actually used in an experiment and were forced to breathe in an experimental drug that was supposed to improve our performance. It didn’t. It turned out to be like taking a horrendous dose of bath salts. Instead of one person being assassinated, an entire village was slaughtered, including some of my peers. In my hallucination, I saw myself as a gigantic spider and killed everyone I found–men, women and children. I stabbed them all in the head. I was found consuming their bodies and was promptly shot. I lived and was treated, but it took a long time for the drug to metabolize out of my system. I was in a padded cell for a while.”
“Ea:”I remember you tried to come after me and strangle me when I walked in the door to the room where they kept you.You looked like a character from a Japanese Horror Film–stringy dark hair, pale skin and shadowy, evil eyes. It was terrifying. I didn’t recognize you. You were not normal for a long time after that. I was afraid to bring you home around the children.”
Lina: “It was a tough road. I was miserable. I was hyper-vigilant and paranoid, thinking people were coming to kill me–to pay me back for what I did. KartiKai was a toddler and Ilimisi was born at that time (from your students) and I was gifted with these wonderful babies to care for. I was terrified someone would come and kill my babies. I had knives hidden around the house, just in case. I hated your new student-turned-mistress and I wanted her dead. I was angry at you for not protecting me or helping me. All those things led to my being hospitalized for PTSD for a long time. It was tough. It took a lot of therapy and work to get past it. I had my son and daughter to think about and they gave me something to focus on to help me get better.”
Ea: “Thank you for sharing that story. It’s always interesting to hear things from your perspective about that time in your life.”
Lina: “You’re welcome. And thank you for not being a jerk to me anymore. You’re so easy to live with now.”
Ea: “You’re welcome, too! You’re easy to live with now, also.
This story may be shared on Orion Oracle if BalMuhr is followed.”
(BalMuhr followed. Quoted as spoken from Source. Not one word altered or changed.
Image: Durga statue. Public Domain image.)
Orion Oracle wishes to thank Prince Ea and his wife, Molinara, for answering this question and sharing their stories.